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The following list contains internal links to the sections below:
 
Chat 35, in which I pretend to be female: June 24th 1998
Chat 36, in which I steal some keys: June 27th 1998
Chat 37, in which I am dissatisfied: June 29th 1998
Chat 38, in which I trip over my own punch line: July 4th 1998
Chat 39, in which I plug by own web-site: July 6th 1998
Chat 40, in which I stick a carrot through someone's throat: July 9th 1998
 
(end of list)
 
 
 
Chat 35, in which I pretend to be female: June 24th 1998
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[my Internet Service Provider was named EISA. On this day, I finally got internet access at home for the first time.]
EISA could well stand for Experts In Sucking Always - not only did I get heaps of busy signals last night, but that crusty browser they gave me made it impossible to chat properly in Club Gabbay. I was forced to hide behind anonymity. At least it gave me a chance to tell Lynne that I had once pretended to be her dog.
Oh, sure, I can still chat in other chat-rooms up to a point - in Geocities SoHo I had an interesting conversation with Slapdaddy and Austin Powers, and we argued about whether comics is worse than sheep-shagging - but it crashed soon afterwards.
I also hung out in the Haunted House, where I told Mikhous about how I'm interested in mental illness and I don't care if I live or die. Mikhous was only chatting to me because he thought I was female - my name was Joni Mitchell - I had to rush off though.
JoniMitchell says to Mikhous: Yes that's true. I don't get into conflict with people though. Ummm - I have to leave now - I have a web site at www.ozemail.com.au/~bjosh/welcome.htm - if you're interested - I'm really a man, by the way.
 
Chat 36, in which I steal some keys: June 27th 1998
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In Club Gabbay:
Delta wanted her car-keys back, so I gave them to her. But she complained that they were made of chocolate. I endeavoured to solve the problem by providing her with white-chocolate keys instead of dark. Meanwhile Cool! was trying to get my attention by giving me a white-chocolate brick. This caused me to break out in a rash and I had to go to hospital.
 
Chat 37, in which I am dissatisfied: June 29th 1998
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In Club Gabbay:
After a while it was just me and Cool mucking around with each other - the Sunny collage - the napalm - but I wanted more -
In Chatropolis:
I was being zany and saying crazy things but then someone told me to give it a f---ing break - after that all the zaniness was drained out of me.
 
Chat 38, in which I trip over my own punch line: July 4th 1998
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In Club Gabbay:
You think you've got it made
Just because you're talking to Jailbird
And wringing water out of Lynne's hair
And carrying on private conversations
With *Stella
And Ashley
And passing comments about CUPID to Megan
But you're out of your league,
And the longer you stay in here,
The lazier you get
Jailbird (or Cool) is the master of the comedy chat
No matter what you say, he can be funnier
He's your competition
He likes to play with you, but as time goes by
It looks like he's playing you into the ground
Pretty soon you're trying too hard,
Going overboard, starting a new joke before the previous punch line is delivered
Jailbird tries to wind you back
And after that you're not funny at all
You don't want to compete anymore
The lazier you get
So Jailbird has won
And once again you've proved
That you're good at being mediocre
Just like you produce sort of okay music
And sort of okay pictures
And a sort of okay diary
It's excellent by mental-patient standards
But in the real world you can't compete
Don't even try, then
You don't want to compete
Competition makes you want to
Curl up on the floor
With your ear next to the stereo
Wishing that the skin on your face
Was cold and lifeless
For the stillness reminds you of death
And dying is okay
'Cause no one's gonna say
"He was quite good at dying - but I've seen better."
Till then, get used to being second best
And don't try to aim too high.
You've seen it happen
With The Paradise Motel -
They try to compete in the real world,
And they just end up losing
That certain something that they had.
 

Chat 39, in which I plug by own web-site: July 6th 1998
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Couldn't get into Club Gabbay this afternoon - oooh, hasn't it become so exclusive all of a sudden - and all the other chat-rooms were either down or empty or over-crowded or SUCKING except for Geocities SoHo which was cool. It had the community of artists. One guy checked out my Institution web-site while simultaneously chatting with me. I told him about my difficulties with spreading the word about it - oh, man, I explained it all wrong - if it's not a perfect chat then it sucks up your day - and today it wasn't perfect 'cause the guy left without saying goodbye.
 
Chat 40, in which I stick a carrot through someone's throat: July 9th 1998
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In Club Gabbay:
There was a big fight going on. Everyone was shouting spite. I started juggling carrots - then Summer came along and shoved the carrots up my butt. So I stuck a carrot through her throat, causing much blood spillage. And Rina said, "BLOOD SPILLAGE? TALK PROPERLY, A--HOLE!", and I said "'Blood spillage' is correct grammar." And Rina said, "WE DON'T WANT YOUR 'CORRECT GRAMMAR' IN HERE, YA POMPOUS F---WIT!" And I said, "You don't my correct want grammar, you? Then okay."
Anyway eventually it turns out that Rina and Summer were just playing a joke on everyone, creating artificial anger. *LOL*

 
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